Running From Empty (Men of the Vault Book 3) Read online

  “I just wanted to see you.” He looks up and his eyes lock with mine. “I just wanted to know if you were really my dad. I’m not sure what I thought would happen, but I had to see you in person.”

  My lungs deflate, and I walk back to the chair in front of him. “So now what?”

  He shrugs and then gives me a crooked smile. “We can go get ice cream and toss a ball around.”

  “I’m serious.” The burst of shock and adrenaline I felt when I first realized who Ian was is wearing off and I’m starting to feel woozy. “Where do we go from here?”

  “You can kick me out or you can let me stay. The ball is in your court.”

  Great. I’m supposed to make one of the biggest and most important decisions of my life while my head is throbbing and my whole body aches. “Can you get me that DayQuil first?”

  Ian flashes a real smile then hops out of his seat and rushes out to the dining room. As soon as the door opens, a delicious aroma wafts in and my stomach growls. I’m not usually hungry when I’m sick, but my stomach suddenly seems too empty to be ignored. Making a split decision just to roll with it, I follow Ian out and settle at the dining table.

  “Are you feeling better, Tanner?” Rosa rushes over with a glass of water. She wraps her warm hand across my forehead then tsks as she shakes her head. “You’re hot. You can have some soup but then back in bed for you.”

  Ian slides the opened bottle of medicine in front of me. “You might want to wait until after you eat since that stuff is pretty nasty.”

  “Good idea.” I twist the lid back on the bottle and take a big drink of water. “And we’re still calling your dad. He needs to know you’re okay.”

  “You’re my dad, not him,” Ian blurts out loud enough that Rosa gasps from the kitchen. When he hears her reaction, his cheeks fill with color. “I’m sorry. I just don’t think of him as my dad anymore. Not since he refused to tell me the truth about you.”

  “You can’t blame him, Ian.” When Rosa returns to table with a tray of soup and bread, I give her a wink. “So, what do you think of my long-lost son, Rosa? Good-looking kid, right?”

  She smiles, obviously relieved that she didn’t overhear a secret that I’d be upset about sharing. “He’s very handsome, Tanner. I knew as soon as I saw him that he was your blood.”

  I turn to Ian and can’t deny the pride on his face. Why the hell he’d even want to be related to me is a mystery, but I don’t try to stop my own prideful grin back in his direction. I just hope we’re both not getting caught up in the fairy tale of a family without the right intentions to make it happen.

  6

  Landon

  I call each of Ian’s six closest friends for my daily check-in, but no one has any new news. At least none they’re willing to share with me. I’ve tried every place he could be and hacked into his bank account to see where he might have spent money, but I’m still no closer to finding my son today than I was a week ago when he trashed my house and stormed out of my life, swearing he never wanted to see me again.

  I hate that he’s hurting so badly. Since his mother died, Ian has been a completely different kid. He blames me for the fact that he didn’t have a real dad in his life growing up, and he’s right. It is my fault. If I’d stood up for myself and Rod when we were kids, he might not have had to leave town. He might have stayed and been there for Melissa and Ian in a way I wasn’t. I tried to be a good dad to him. And until that damn blood typing project at school, things were pretty good between us.

  It really never occurred to me that Ian wasn’t mine until the facts were staring me in the face. And then I could see it clear as day. He looks so much like Rod that it almost hurt to see his face looking back at me. I don’t know if Ian could sense the pain I was in, and if he did, he probably attributed it to the fact that I’d lost the biological connection I’d always believed existed between us. But the truth is, the pain stemmed mostly from the visual reminder of how much I hurt Rod so many years ago. My love for Ian never wavered, blood or not. But knowing that Rod left before learning he had a son and missing out on all the great times I got to have with Ian broke my heart.

  And then Melissa got sick.

  Had she listened to her body when she first started to feel bad, maybe they would have caught it in time. But by the time she knew she had cancer, it had fully metastasized and she only had a few good months left.

  And several bad months.

  I did what I could to help Ian with the burden of taking care of his dying mother, but he refused to let me get close to her. He wanted to be with her every minute, even though that meant his grades slipped and he was barely able to graduate. In the end, he walked with his senior class and his mom was in the audience, but she declined quickly after that. A week later, she was gone, and Ian moved in with me full-time.

  I think he was in shock at first, but as soon as that wore off, the rage was back. He wasn’t able to channel his grief in any way other than into anger at me. Anger because I left her when he was just a baby. Anger that I tried to take the place of his real dad. And anger that I refused to tell him who his real dad was.

  I wanted to tell him. I really did. Even though it would have killed me to say Rod’s name out loud after so many years, I would have done everything I could to help Ian find what he was looking for. But Melissa begged me not to say anything. She assured me she’d tell Ian when he was ready. I don’t know if she thought he was ready or if she just knew she was out of time, but in the goodbye letter she left for Ian, she told him that Rodman Tanner was his biological father but that I would always be his dad.

  And she asked Ian to forgive me.

  I don’t know if that will ever happen, but I know I’ll never stop loving that kid as my son. And I’ll never stop looking for him. I want to give him some space, and I trust him to make good decisions, but until I hear his voice and see him in person, I won’t truly be able to rest at night.

  I’m just getting into my car to visit my next client when my phone rings with an unfamiliar phone number. I consider letting it go to voicemail, but then I realize it could be Ian. “Hello, Landon Johnson speaking.”

  “Hey, Dad, uh, Landon. It’s Ian.”

  I lean back in the car seat and send a silent prayer of thanks up to a god I stopped believing in the day Rod left town. “Ian, son, are you okay? Where are you?”

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I just wanted to let you know so you don’t worry. But, I’m fine.”

  “Where are you, Ian?” My heart is racing as I consider who he’s with and how far away this call is coming from. He could be anywhere.

  “I’m in Vegas, and I’m fine. I, uh… I found him.”

  “What?” I whisper, barely able to comprehend what he’s saying.

  “Yeah, I found him. My dad. Rodman Tanner.”

  “You found Rod?” It’s a good thing I’m still parked because if I was driving, I’d probably run right off the road. “How?”

  “I hired an investigator and he got me the information. Anyway, Tanner wanted me to tell you that I’m safe so you wouldn’t worry.”

  “He did?” My mind is spinning, and I’m not sure what to do next. But words manage to find their way out of my mouth despite the lack of brain function I have at the moment. “Are you with him?”

  “Uh, yeah. He’s right here.” There’s a scratching sound over the phone before Ian speaks again. “Do you want to talk to him?”

  Do I? Now that the relief of knowing Ian is safe is starting to pass, a new kind of fear is filling my veins. Can I actually speak to Rod after all these years without begging him to forgive me? What if he’s married and has a family of his own? Ian might never come back to me. “No, that’s okay. I’m just glad you’re okay. When will you be home?”

  “Um, I’m not sure. Tanner said I can stay here for a while, and he’s going to try to get me a job. I’ll call you when I decide for sure.”

  A job? Stay for a while? Is this actually happening? Am I losing Ian for good? “
Yeah, sure. Do you still have your phone? I’d like to be able to reach you in case of an emergency.”

  Ian sighs loudly. “Yeah, I’ll turn it back on. I just needed some time by myself.”

  “Yeah, of course.” I squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the moisture starting to form as I say the words that feel so final. “Goodbye, Ian. I love you.”

  “Bye, Dad.” His voice is quiet and then the line goes dead.

  He’s gone. He’s really gone.

  7

  Tanner

  Watching Ian say goodbye to his father is hard. It’s clear that he’s devastated by their current relationship, but I’m not in a position to help with that. I’m not in a position to do much of anything with this head cold.

  Loaded up on drugs, I give Ian some cash and the password for my laptop then crawl back into bed. I can’t think clearly about our current situation until I’m better. Now that I know he’s my biological son, I’m not worried about him stealing from me. Shit, he can take anything he wants. I owe it to him for not being there throughout his childhood. But I don’t think he’s here for money. Landon has obviously provided for him all this time.

  Even over the phone, I could hear the sadness in Landon’s voice. It killed me to know that he’s hurting so badly…again. I believe he was hurt when I left the first time, though I don’t know how much time he had to be sad if Melissa was pregnant and he stepped into the role of teenage father. But watching her die had to be rough on him. Landon was a good person then and I’m sure he’s a good person now, so he would have taken that loss hard. And then to have Ian blame him for so much that was out of his control really isn’t fair. But life with teenagers often isn’t if memory serves me well.

  The cough medicine knocks me out, but my dreams are fitful and so damn lucid I’m almost more exhausted when I wake up six hours later than I was when I fell asleep. I get up to take a piss and see Ian napping on the couch, so I don’t disturb him. After taking a minute to stretch and getting a drink of Gatorade, I crawl back into bed.

  As much as I want to fall back to sleep, I can’t stop picturing Landon’s big brown eyes and the crooked smile that always made my stomach flutter when he directed it at me. I haven’t had the nerve to ask Ian if Landon has remarried, but I’m curious. Ian hasn’t mentioned anyone else in the family, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t someone…or hasn’t been in the recent past.

  Not that it should matter to me. Landon has a life of his own in Denver, and I have my businesses here in Vegas. The Vault takes up all my time, and even though it isn’t my biggest or most significant holding, it has been a great distraction. Leaving it would be tough, but now that Ian is in my life, I’ll have to make some schedule adjustments.

  If he wants to stay in Vegas, he can have this apartment. I’m rarely here, and it would be convenient for him to work and go to school, if that’s what he decides to do. But we have time to figure that out.

  Just as soon as I’m feeling better.

  It takes two days of me sleeping and chugging liquids before I’m finally back to normal. Ian seems relieved that I’m back from the dead, and I can tell he’s been bored as hell.

  On Saturday morning, I call room service to bring us breakfast because I’m finally starving after several days of not eating. While we wait, I make my usual round of calls to Asher and Johnny to ensure things are running smoothly. No issues have come up and we decide to postpone orientation for the new candidates I’ve been interviewing. I have eleven escorts on staff at the moment, and although I’d like to add six or seven more, it’s not urgent. No one will be leaving over the next month or two, so we’ve got some time to get a new group trained before clients start to feel the pinch.

  Ian has the TV on, but I can tell he’s listening to my conversation with Johnny, and as soon as I disconnect the call, he turns to me. “Why do you do it?”

  “Do what?”

  “Own a whore house or whatever it is. Doesn’t that bother you?” There’s obviously some judgment there, but there’s more curiosity than anything.

  “No, not at all.” I shrug and have a seat across from him. “The sex industry isn’t full of bad people. They are supplying a service that has a demand. Just like cigarettes or alcohol. Just because one person doesn’t partake, doesn’t mean they should deny other people the right. And as long as it’s done safely and consensually, it’s a very lucrative career for many people in this city.

  Ian cocks an eyebrow. “So maybe I should consider it more seriously.”

  “No.” I look him dead in the eye, not an ounce of amusement in my expression. “Not a chance in hell.”

  Ian barks out a laugh. “Why not? You just said it wasn’t bad and it’s a good way to make money.”

  “It is, for people who don’t have any other options. But you have options, Ian. You’re being stubborn about your situation with Landon, but I know he would give anything to have you back home with him. And now that I know you’re my son, I’ll provide for you too.” I pause to make sure he knows I’m being sincere. “Anything you need for the rest of your life, I’ll be there for you.”

  Ian swallows hard but doesn’t look away. “You don’t have to do that. I didn’t come here looking for money.”

  “I know you didn’t. But I’m telling you now that I have eighteen years of back child support owed to you. Whether that goes toward living expenses or college tuition or a car or all of the above, I owe it to your mother and to Landon to do right by you.”

  Ian turns back toward the TV and flicks a drop of moisture away from his eye without saying a word.

  After a few minutes pass, I ask the real question I’ve been dying to get an answer to. “So, what did you come looking for?”

  Ian is quiet for a long moment before he speaks. “Family, I guess. I think I imagined you having a wife and kids and welcoming me into your life as if I belonged there. I always wanted brothers and sisters and a mom and dad waiting for me at home.”

  “You had your mother and Landon, though.”

  Ian nods without looking at me. “Yeah, Mom did the best she could, but money was always tight. She refused to take more money from Landon than she absolutely needed, so we never had those carefree family game nights or evenings by the fire eating homemade cookies. Mom worked a lot…and slept a lot.” He finally glances at me. “She suffered from depression for most of her life… I don’t know if you knew about that.”

  I shake my head. “I didn’t. I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “It was fine, but just not the kind of family you see on TV. I guess I thought maybe I’d find that here… I don’t know. It was stupid.”

  I get up from the chair I’m in and sit beside him on the sofa, placing my hand on his knee. “It’s not stupid to want a family. I’ve wanted that my whole life, and I never thought it could happen. But having you here changes everything for me. My priorities have instantly shifted and trying to be some kind of father to you suddenly matters to me.” I give his knee a squeeze. “I’m sorry you didn’t have me sooner, and I’m really sorry I didn’t have you sooner, but we’re together now, and I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

  Ian leans toward me but then pulls back. Reading his body language seems so much easier now that my head is clear, so I reach for both of his shoulders and pull him against my chest, holding him in a tight embrace until he relaxes enough to hug me back.

  “I don’t want to go anywhere either.”

  8

  Landon

  I’ve tried to be patient, but this is ridiculous. I know Ian wants some space, but I can’t just sit at home and wonder what the hell he’s doing. Just because he’s eighteen doesn’t mean he’s ready to be on his own… Even with his birth father.

  Tanner. He called him Tanner. I guess that’s better than calling him dad, but it still sounds strange considering I only knew the man as Rod.

  I don’t know why I’m being so petty and childish about this whole thing. But dammit, Ian is my son. I was there the
day he was born. I was there the day he took his first steps. And I was there to cry with him on the day his mother died.

  I am his father and Rod…Tanner…whoever the hell he is will not take that away from me.

  The sign says 140 miles to Las Vegas, but at my current speed, I can be there in less than two hours. I hired an investigator as soon as Ian hung up the phone with me three days ago, and he found a couple different addresses for Rodman Tanner. I’m going to start with a large property outside the city, which appears to be a ranch. Rod never struck me as a ranching kinda guy, but he’s probably changed a lot over the past eighteen years. Who knows, maybe he has a family and horses and chickens and can give Ian a different kind of life. Maybe something more stable than what he’s experienced by having to split his days between my house and Melissa’s.

  My foot eases off the gas pedal as I reevaluate what I’m doing. Maybe I should turn around and give him this time. In my mind, I know that’s what I should do. But in my heart, I can’t just walk away from my son. I have to see for myself that he’s okay and in a safe and nurturing environment.

  And then if he still wants me to leave without him, I’ll try to do that. But that’s the best I can commit to at this point.

  My right foot presses a little harder on the accelerator now that my moment of indecision has passed. I’ve got to get to my boy and make sure he’s safe.

  “Hold tight a little longer, Ian. Daddy is coming.”

  There’s a bit of traffic as I pass Las Vegas proper, but once I get on the two-lane road that leads to Tanner’s ranch, I can go as fast as I want. It’s just after 7:00 PM when I pull into the empty parking lot in front of a warehouse-style building. The place doesn’t look like any ranch I’ve ever been to, but I’ve been to Vegas enough times to know that nothing is ever quite as it seems.